Do you ever feel just flat broken? So many times I do. I live in this space of not quite having myself pulled together. The outside might look pretty “with it”, but the personal images of my brokenness have tormented me for some years. So yes, broken, what a perfect word to encompass the fullness of an emotional undertone of my personal image. I struggle living with self-doubt, guilt, shame, poor self-esteem and inadequacy. All these make me feel nothing more than “broken”.
I let the world’s image of broken taint my image of myself. How can something broken be of any good use? There are landfills full of this world’s cast aside broken materials. A broken toy is no good for the child’s play anymore. A broken dish becomes trash. A broken necklace may require a trip to the jeweler for repair.
The enemy wants nothing more than for me to hide my broken from God. Yet, God sees all the history of my sins and knows all the shattered pieces of my soul when I was trapped in sin. The times I allowed my faith to be shoved aside in the pursuit of worldly ambition and success, He knows. He knows and waits patiently for me to give him the pieces.
Oh, my heart breaks for the times I have not respected who God created me to be. Even still in these feelings of shame and brokenness, I rejoice in God who is my jeweler. I give all the pieces of my brokenness to my Savior and he makes something beautiful. He shapes my life for his glory and nothing could be more gorgeous in His eyes.
All that I am, all the pieces of me, I surrender to my Lord. In this total surrender, God is able to cleanse every part of me and make something worthy of bringing him glory. “For I am his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that I should walk in them.” (Ephesians 2:10) A work of art. Created specifically by Him for the purpose of good works. In eternity past, God prepared these good works that He will accomplish in and through each believer by the power of his indwelling spirit. I beg Him for this reminder as I speak the affirmation of His work over me. I seek His continued cleansing daily, asking He make revelations deep in my heart of how I may live for him and live full of the beauty he created me to be. A masterpiece.
I know my God does not see my sin, but sees the purity of my heart. He wants nothing more than to be able to quiet the reminders of the world through my obedience to his plans for my life. He wants me to know He sees me, and you, not broken but created beautiful.
In His Grip, Ashlee
Pray with me: Dear Heavenly Father God. Wow, thank you for such an insurmountable love that would take the mess I make of my life, including my disobedience, and see something worthy of creating beautiful for your purposes. My heart is overwhelmed when I imagine the way you see me through the lens of your son and my soul is crumbled by the weight of my sins on him so that you could actually see me that way despite myself but only because of him. Amazing Grace. Such grace upon grace. Thank you Lord. In Jesus name, and only through his blood, I pray. Amen